I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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