Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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