I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
