it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
