it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize