Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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