Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
