i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
