no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
