i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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