Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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