No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
