but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
