I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Randomize
