Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Where are you guys?
Drunk
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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