someone get that fucking seahorse.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize