so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize