FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
