I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
