Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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