TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
