Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
