I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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