Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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