I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
