My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize
