I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
