Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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