I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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