According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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