I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Randomize