I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
