quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
