They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
