im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I enjoy the company of your penis
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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