so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
