Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
