It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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