ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
How's work?
Spinning.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
