i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
