so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
