Acid is not a monday night drug
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Your cock deserves a montage
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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