Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She announced her abortion via fbk
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
