Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
