I want to make a zoo with you.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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