I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
