She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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