he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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