You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
