U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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