the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
