I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize