She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
