you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
