She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
