my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
