And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
