his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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