we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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