ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
