Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
