people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
