I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
