dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
