I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
