It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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