3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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