Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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