I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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