i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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