You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
