Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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